I DONT WANT TO.

Ugh, another birthday tomorrow... My birthday. Tragic horrible stuff.
I dont really know why but ive never liked birthdays, mine at least. Its fun with cake, that always makes me cheer up a bit. But now I can just feel it, the fucking pain and anxiety came early this year. Ugh.
Its not cause something boring is going to happen... Its just that im so used to that my bday always kind of suck. Its like a day of... sadness. My mom kind of walks around with sad eyes and a big fake smile on my bdays, I do aswell, its obviously always winter in December so its dark outside and im more of a summer person really, and my dad always forgets to call, or maybe just forgets that its my bday. I wonder if this person is going to forget that its my bday tomorrow... If so, not even cake is going to cheer me up.
And worst part this year, I dont even have my friends near by, or my mom, or my sister :(
But ill survive, Ill try to do the best of it, im pretty good on faking smiles.